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Stop Attracting the Wrong Guys--A How to Guide Related Links How to Tell If He Is Gay Relationship Articles Index Should I Marry Him? June 1, 2009 By Amanda Hillyard, Columnist and Relationship Editor Here's what your mother will never tell you. You attract the kind of man you want. Not the kind you think you want. But the kind of man you really want. Ladies, the truth is that men do not come by this way by accident. Men are not that industrious. They don't really like to work hard. Men by nature like to hunt efficiently. Get that--efficiently. So, over the millions of years of evolution they have learned to pick up the scent of the type of women they are looking for. Then, they zero in on that scent, sniff, sniff. Ah, here she is. They do not spend a lot of time chasing women whom they are not likely to be successful in landing. Too much work. That's the way it works. Not politically correct. But truth. So, ask yourself, "if I am attracting the wrong kind of guy over and over again, what kind of signals am I giving off?". We do give off signals. Case in point. An abusive man wants a woman who will ultimately accept his abuse. Accept his controlling behavior. So, when he enters the room, he is looking to pick up signals from the woman who are his targets. What kind of women is he likely to zero in on? That one, Option A, the loud gal in the corner holding court with two other guys and a group of women friends laughing and telling a joke that's cracking everybody up? Naw, she looks too much in control. Besides, she talks too much. May not listen too well when I say jump. How about that one, Option B, the one, by herself, sipping a drink, looking lost and forlorn? Looks like she's a lost puppy. And, wow, it just happens that I've got a leash handy. Hmmmm. Think Option B looks promising. Different kinds of men are out there with their radar systems on, trying to pick up the signals of the type of women they are looking for? Here are the signals that attract different kinds of men. 1. Controlling, abusive men. They look for women who are lost, look lost, need help, need rescuing. Damsels in distress. In a phrase, the banner across your head says "I have low self-esteem". So, if you have a soft spot for a sob story. If you always have a glass of warm milk and a cookie handy just in case Santa Clause drops by in July, then you're the type they want. You will believe them when they lie about their whereabouts. You will give them googads of the benefit of the doubt. You will be eternally grateful to them for rescuing you from the chore of making your own decisions. How do you stop giving off the green light to controlling men? Be in control. They don't like the competition. Walk with your shoulders back and your chin up. Never, ever slump. Pay for your own meals. Don't tell them your life sob story right off the bat. And, for God's sake, don;t advertise the "past hurts" story, as in oh, I'm scared of getting into a relationship because my ex did so-and-so to me. Don't give off the signals that you need rescuing. Rescue yourself. Another type of woman these controllers love is the loner type. Think a pack of sheep. Think of him as a wolf. He looks for that stray who is lagging behind the pack. Ladies, don't be that stray sheep. Don't be that little lamb. Keep your girls and guy-friends around you. Advertise that you have people who have got your back. Then, the predator wolves looking for a lost little stray lamb will pass you by. Too much work. Use your voice. Don't think men notice the loud voices in the room? Wrong. Controlling men by nature are repulsed by women who speak clearly and loudly. Don't be afraid of your own voice. Use it. Speak up. 2. Cheating Husbands. These guys are looking for women who do not ask questions. Most women when they meet a man they like they want to know certain obvious things: what's your numbers (home and cell), what do you do, where do you live? But believe it or not, some women are not that inquisitive. If he gives her his cell, they don't ask "oh, do you have a land line at home, in case I can't get through the cell?" Men with wives to hide don't like to give out their land lines. Only cell phones. They don't like to give out their addresses. They don't want any drop-in surprise visits, get it? They like the demure, speak when spoken to type. She's the one who'll wait for answers. She's the waiting type. To send out a signal that you're not interested in married men, just ask the normal questions-- land line, home address. Set up a dinner by the third date, at his home. Of course you don't have to follow through with it. But just check his reaction to the possibility. Ask. Watch reactions. Ask more. 3. Men looking for money. Men who are looking for money from women give off obvious clues. They always first appear successful or they "come from money". They work hard to win your sympathy. They give away the love-store early ,as in "you're my soul mate". They often say "I could never take money from a women I just met..blabla blah....after weaving some sad story about their lives. Common sad stories are "large alimony payments", "impending life-threatening surgeries" or the old Nigerian bank scam store is that "my inheritance is held up". But they are always short on details. To send a signal that you are not an easy mark, say the following, early on. "I have a rule. I don't lend money. I don't borrow money. And I never trust people who ask. There are too many scammers out there." Ooooh, he'll feel the chill. Ladies, if they have no one else in their entire lives up to the moment they met you who can help them out, that's a big clue that everybody else has learned something that you're about to find out. Now, you're just getting started. Find out more real-life tips for real relationship issues: How to Tell If He Is Gay/ Relationships And now that you know. Spread the word on chootoo to your friends. Do a friend a favor and send her a link to this article. Register -members get special newsletters with articles like this one. |