Should I Marry Him? -How to Tell If You Should Tie
Relationship Articles Index
What It Means If You Dream About Someone
February 12, 2009
By Amanda Hillyard, Columnist and Relationship Editor
He is a nice guy. He's attentive. You've been going out
awhile. And now he has asked you to marry him. Or maybe
the things he's saying assume you want to marry him. Funny
thing is, you don't quite feel that jump-up-and-shout feeling
that you thought you would? Should you marry him? Is this
what it's supposed to feel like?
Here are 10 great tests to help you figure out whether to tie
the knot (jump the broom, walk the plank--uh... I mean
aisle, you know what I mean:
1. No money, no money , no money. In past centuries,
marriage was viewed as an economic arrangement and the
primary qualities a man had were his ability to provide for
his family. Now that women can provide for themselves
financially, other qualities count in your decision as to
whether you should marry, including compatibility in values
(fidelity, same goals with respect to children),
attractiveness and sexual compatibility.
However--- and this is the Big But ---you should not marry a
man who cannot support himself. Even if he's great looking,
great in bed, wants the exact number of kids you do, you've
known him since second grade, blah, blah, blah. Trust me,
he's a non-starter. After a year of that great sex, and
looking good together as you enter the room at parties, it
gets old. A man without his own means to make money is a
liability. First, he's an emotional liability. Most men have
been conditioned to keep tract, to keep score. That doesn't
stop when you get married. If you are the only breadwinner,
he will still be keeping score. And for every dollar you bring
in, he will secretly subtract a dollar from his self-esteem.
Sad but true. Ladies, men are not that liberated. Don't
believe the hype that says they are.
Underneath that metro-sexual guy who wants a facial every
Thursday is the same old Neanderthal who needs to feel like
he can carry his own weight. And good for him. He should.
It's a tough world out there. The boat needs two people with
two good, strong oars to make it upstream.
2. Values. Okay, say he can carry his weight financially.
Don't marry a man if you don't share the same values on the
Fidelity. This is a must. You have to be on the same page
with fidelity. This is about trust and loyalty, not sex.
Religion. You believe in God. He doesn't. Next.
Family. You both don't have to love your families. But you
should agree on whether family time is important. You
believe in spending Christmas with your entire family. He
never, ever wants to spend Christmas with family other
than you. Next.
3. Sex. This is a big one. You both have to agree about the
division of labor on sex. When you first start out, sex is
easy. You're both so excited to see each other, the
chemistry never lets up. You see him from across the room
and you climax, right? After about a year, or sooner, you'll
see him from across the room and he's have that get-it-on
look and you will want to run. Or vice-versa. He'll look at
you and yawn. What you have to agree on before the
run-yawn stage is that you will each work on, stay
interested in, the task of turning the other partner on. One
of you just won't leave all the work for the other. Trust me,
the partner who's shouldering the load will get tired. And
getting tired begets getting resentful. And being resentful
begets getting even and so it goes.
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