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Should I Marry Him? -How to Tell If You Should Tie the Knot Related Links Relationship Articles Index February 12, 2009 By Amanda Hillyard, Columnist and Relationship Editor He is a nice guy. He's attentive. You've been going out awhile. And now he has asked you to marry him. Or maybe the things he's saying assume you want to marry him. Funny thing is, you don't quite feel that jump-up-and-shout feeling that you thought you would? Should you marry him? Is this what it's supposed to feel like? Here are 10 great tests to help you figure out whether to tie the knot (jump the broom, walk the plank--uh... I mean aisle, you know what I mean: 1. No money, no money , no money. In past centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic arrangement and the primary qualities a man had were his ability to provide for his family. Now that women can provide for themselves financially, other qualities count in your decision as to whether you should marry, including compatibility in values (fidelity, same goals with respect to children), attractiveness and sexual compatibility. However--- and this is the Big But ---you should not marry a man who cannot support himself. Even if he's great looking, great in bed, wants the exact number of kids you do, you've known him since second grade, blah, blah, blah. Trust me, he's a non-starter. After a year of that great sex, and looking good together as you enter the room at parties, it gets old. A man without his own means to make money is a liability. First, he's an emotional liability. Most men have been conditioned to keep tract, to keep score. That doesn't stop when you get married. If you are the only breadwinner, he will still be keeping score. And for every dollar you bring in, he will secretly subtract a dollar from his self-esteem. Sad but true. Ladies, men are not that liberated. Don't believe the hype that says they are. Underneath that metro-sexual guy who wants a facial every Thursday is the same old Neanderthal who needs to feel like he can carry his own weight. And good for him. He should. It's a tough world out there. The boat needs two people with two good, strong oars to make it upstream. 2. Values. Okay, say he can carry his weight financially. Don't marry a man if you don't share the same values on the following areas Fidelity. This is a must. You have to be on the same page with fidelity. This is about trust and loyalty, not sex. Religion. You believe in God. He doesn't. Next. Family. You both don't have to love your families. But you should agree on whether family time is important. You believe in spending Christmas with your entire family. He never, ever wants to spend Christmas with family other than you. Next. 3. Sex. This is a big one. You both have to agree about the division of labor on sex. When you first start out, sex is easy. You're both so excited to see each other, the chemistry never lets up. You see him from across the room and you climax, right? After about a year, or sooner, you'll see him from across the room and he's have that get-it-on look and you will want to run. Or vice-versa. He'll look at you and yawn. What you have to agree on before the run-yawn stage is that you will each work on, stay interested in, the task of turning the other partner on. One of you just won't leave all the work for the other. Trust me, the partner who's shouldering the load will get tired. And getting tired begets getting resentful. And being resentful begets getting even and so it goes. You're just getting started on improving your relationship IQ. Here are more tips you get you smarter quicker: Cheating-How to Tell If He Is Cheating /Something So Right Register -members get special newsletters with articles like this one. |