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DaddyHood--Why Women Need to Know How Men Look At Becoming a Daddy Related Links Stop Attracting the Wrong Guy --A How to Guide How to Tell If He Is Gay Relationship Articles Index Should I Marry Him? June 14, 2009 By Amanda Hillyard, Columnist and Relationship Editor Ok. So, you're pregnant. You think of how to tell him. And suddenly several movie scenes cross your mind. You see a woman fretting about telling her man she's pregnant. He comes homes. She tells him. To her relief, he scoops her into his arms, a broad smile crossing his face. Ode to Joy. "Baby, that's the best news I ever got. You've made me the happiest man on earth!". Cue symphony. Fade. That's real life, right? Wrong. The truth is different. So very different. Most men have very complicated reactions to the idea of becoming a daddy. In fact, the idea of daddyhood scares most men. To many men, it's a defining point, an invisible line beyond which their identity changes. Before baby, they are free, they are independent, they are "a guy". After baby, they are safe, they are dependable, they are..well...old. So many women struggle with this. For one of my friends, her husband lost complete interest in her after she became pregnant with their second child. And it took a while for him to get excited about the first. Mind you, he adores their first child but suddenly he's spending nights out with the boys since she became pregnant with the second. You know the story of how penguin males care for their little chicks? So cute. They cradle the eggs on their widdle waddle feet and walk it ---walk it!--thousands of miles if they have to, to find food. So cute, so amazing, so....not reality. When most men here the news that they are going to be a daddy, they see two very distinct choices. Choice Number One, run with the wolves. Run with your pack,boy. Let the wind run through your mane! Go wild, run free, go boy! Choice Number Two. Stay home, be a penguin, and walk that egg across those 1000 mile stretches of arctic ice. Run with the wolves. Or be a penguin. Wind in your hair, running free? Or snow on your feet, waddling though cold ice. Run with the wolves or be a penguin? Ladies, it's not easy. These guys in our world today are not raised to look forward to being penguins. Seriously, though, did you know the two most dangerous times in a woman's life? According to statistics, a woman in the US is most likely to be killed either within 6 months of telling a man she is leaving him or within 6 months of telling a man she is pregnant. Remember Lacy Peterson? According to the Centers for Disease Control, the second leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. Homicide. This whole idea of becoming a daddy triggers powerful drives in men. Somewhere, deep down, some of them ---not all of them, mind you--- think the baby is taking their identity as wolves. Careful, out there, ladies. You two are in two different places. Like two people sitting next to each other waiting on their trains. But you are afraid that he is going to get on a different train. Could be. But it also could be that he might get on the same train as you. Wait it out. He may just need to feel young again before he settles into daddyhood. Careful. Slow. For your sake and the baby's. Wolves don't become penguins overnight. Now, you're just getting started. Find out more real-life tips for real relationship issues: How to Tell If He Is Gay/ Relationships And now that you know. Spread the word on chootoo to your friends. Do a friend a favor and send her a link to this article. Register -members get special newsletters with articles like this one. |